Thursday, March 29, 2012

Gracie Allen's Flawless Roast Beef

I forgot to give my friend Rosie Tischer credit for this cool blog post! She sent me the pic of George and Gracie and the recipe...

ROSIE!!!!  So sorry I forgot to give you a shout out this morning, my friend! Rosie and I used to sing together, and then she realized how big my teeth were, and how many notes I missed, and she MOVED to the other side of the city.



Miss you, Rosie!!!

If you're too young to remember Gracie Allen, shame on you. Not for being young, but for not realizing that hysterically funny (without swearing, being overtly insulting or over-sexed oinkers) people have graced God's Third Rock from the Sun for a long time!

Here's George and Gracie:

And here's Gracie's recipe for a perfect roast, every time!

Gracie Allen's Classic Recipe for Roast Beef
1 large Roast of beef
1 small Roast of beef
Take the two roasts and put them in the oven.
When the little one burns, the big one is done.

Now THAT'S easy-peasy!

How 'bout this story?

The woman who buys her Easter ham at the same butcher her mother used, year after year after year. Generations pass... And every year she asks for a big, lovely, boneless ham, with a slice cut off one end. Finally the butcher's son wonders why he has to cut the end off.... What in the recipe requires that? Basting? Searing? 

The confused woman shakes her head. "I don't know. My mother's ham was lovely and she always did it that way."

So she gets home and calls her mother. When the aging woman gets to the phone, the daughter poses the butcher's question:  "Mom, what is it about your baked ham recipe that makes it important for the butcher to remove that end slice each year?"

To which Mom replies, "It's the only way it would fit in my pan."

And sometimes it's just that simple, LOL!  So how about your family? Or any friends, in-laws? Got any funny recipe stories you'd like to share today? Old habits that carry on for no good reason at all, LOL????


  1. I'm young enough to know George and Gracie by reputation only, except George's later movies, but old enough to appreciate good, clean funny.

    People over use LOL, but I really did laugh out loud when I read that.

    Ruthy~ You're almost as funny as Gracie. :)

  2. Oh, how I love George and Gracie! We were just talking with the boys the other day (as we were driving past Mt. Rushmore...) about how the comedians from "back in the day" relied on their talent rather than crudity - and George and Gracie were at the top of the list.

    I have a reprint of an old recipe book. Measurements are given in units like "hen's egg", there are only three oven temperatures (hot, medium and slow), and timing is Kav's style (you know, "until Simba says it's done). It's a lot of fun to read, but it sure would be challenging to try to make one of those dishes.

    It's nice to be back on the net, but the days are still filled with family stuff. Have fun with your puppies, Ruthy!

  3. Loved watching George and Gracie, she made the show what it was!

  4. Oh, Wendy, she did!!! What a hoot. And such a lady.

    Jan, I love those old recipes. So fun to decipher. I had so much fun posting the roast possum one....

    Of course it's Missy's FAVORITE SUNDAY DINNER, so she was a trifle insulted. ;)

    Andrea, the common sense of the burnt little roast just makes me laugh. How funny, right?

    ANd then I'd grind up that small one and make hash out of it...

    Why don't restaurants use hash anymore? Fine-chopped potatoes and beef and onions thrown in... Fried crisp.

    Oh, I love hash!!!

  5. LOL -- the first (and only time) I ever tried to make a turkey (I was in love with a carnivore), nobody told me about those nasty things inside. I was so grossed out by the whole flesh thing that I donned oven mitts before I cooked the poor bird. I picked it up to place it in the roasting pan and this stuff gushed out ot that nether region cavity along with some blood, I might add. Horrors! I became hysterical -- meaning I screamed like a banshee, threw the bird to the floor and dashed out of my apartment, unsettling more than one tenant in the building. I was positive that those 'things' were unborn baby chicks. Yes, I know chicks come from eggs, but nothing could convince me they weren't aborted babies. Sigh. I can still feel that same heart-palpitating trauma.

  6. Ruthy, I have to admit, I'm clueless about who they are! But I love the recipe!!! So clever! :)

    Kav, I'm screaming laughing!!!! But I SO AGREE. I hate handling a turkey. You can feel its legs move like it's going to walk away and that just grosses me out! :) I've also cooked a bag of giblets in my first attempt at doing Thanksgiving. You poor thing, thinking it was babies! LOL

    I also screamed and cried the only time I ever boiled a live lobster. I could NOT eat a bite of it and have never bought another one. It's just horrifying. I suspect I'm a closet vegetarian who just has carnivore cravings on occasion, maybe when my iron gets low. :)

  7. OH my stars, I am dying laughing here, rolling around on a dusty kitchen floor, I may be traumatizing the toddlers for life!!!

    Oh, Kav...

    Oh, Kav.....

    I can't type, I'm laughing so hard. I'm such a mean friend. LOL, I can just picture it, though. My Vegan/veggie friend running in fear of giblets.

    And Missy, where were you raised in the South? Honey, most real Southern gals could hog-tie their own turkey without a bow or arrow, pluck it, clean it, stuff it with bread they baked themselves while nursin' three babies, and have melt-in-your-mouth biscuits and gravy alongside.

    Your Mama and I need to talk.

    What a hoot. And no George and Gracie in the South, Missy? I mean they were before my time too, but George Burns lived to be really old and played GOD...

    How can a minister's woman not recognize a guy who played God?

    I'm so confused!

  8. This is such a cute post! George and Gracie were before my time too, but they have always sounded so funny to me in the things that I have seen on TV!

  9. THAT'S GEORGE BURNS?????? Oh my gosh, I had no idea. See, Ruthy, I only know him as God in the movies! :) I never knew him as a younger man with a show.

    I was born and raised in Kentucky, but was never a country girl. Grew up in a college town. That's my problem, Ruthy! LOL

  10. Missy.



    That's no excuse. Are college town girls not real Southern girls? Because I don't know if I can stand the disappointment. I'm .... kind of overwhelmed.

  11. Oh Kav, THANK YOU for a much needed laugh today. Not at your expense. I promise I'm laughing WITH you;0

    No wonder you're a diehard vegetarian.

    I have to admit, I can't eat or poultry if I think too much about it. Of course the lettuce may be screaming in silent agony and I just don't know it.

    Cookies, now cookies I promise have no feelings. So let's eat cookies.

  12. Poultry deserve to be eaten. Chickens are not only stupid, they will cannibalize one another. They're God's food to us with no guilt attached because they're just that dumb.

    I'm not even kidding. But I'm still laughing about Kav's little baby turkeys inside a male....

    Now that's a trick and a half, LOL!

    Oh, Kav. I can't wait to meet you so we can laugh and have coffee and chocolate together!

  13. I may be a day late and a dollar short, but y'all still have me chuckling. Ruthy, I totally agree that poultry deserve to be eaten. After all, God send quail to those whiney Israelites.

    Kav, you crack me up. Undeveloped baby turkeys.... What a hoot!

    So what ever happened to that carnivore you were dating?