In the south, we feed people when they're grieving. I imagine it's the same everywhere.
This past Monday, we had the memorial service for my father.
This is how I like to remember him before he got so frail.
And I love this one. So young and handsome. My middle son looks a lot like him--I see it in the squint of his eyes and in the smile and also hear my dad in my son's quiet voice.
The grief is still fresh, and it hits in waves. But the old photos are a balm. They remind me of the days when he joked and laughed and cooked for us (biscuits and sausage gravy, spaghetti, chili). He always had a servant's heart. Worked tirelessly in the background on so many projects in the church and community. And when he cooked for us, he insisted on making our plates and brought the food to each of us. He never would let us wait on ourselves or on him. Even when he got older and frail, he didn't want me to make his plate, he had to jump in to help (requiring a nearby chair for resting during the process).
After the memorial service, the church provided a meal for our family and closest friends. (Thank you to the wonderful Congregational Care food committee!) I wish I had taken photos. I thought of it, but also had a house full of folks. So you'll just get to hear about the wonderful spread...
Honeybaked ham
Gourmet potatoes (cubed potato and cheese casserole with cornflakes on top)
Green bean casserole
7 layer salad (lettuce, peas, green onions, mayo, bacon, cheddar and...can't remember the 7th layer!)
Orzo salad (pasta, green and red peppers, asparagus, cucumber, red onion, feta cheese, all in a wonderful dressing)
Squash casserole
Rolls
My kids' all time favorite: deviled eggs.
Several desserts
We had chocolate trifle (or maybe you call it Chocolate Delight), lemon bundt cake, and a gingerbread peach desert (with cake and whipped cream). My daughter-in-law also made an olive oil and orange cake that was delicious!
I appreciated the meal more than I can say. I was able to have all the family gather and not worry a bit about feeding them. We were able to spend time at the table remembering my kind, generous father. I think I inherited my love of food and cooking from him. And I hope I can carry on the tradition of loving others by feeding them. I already make biscuits and sausage gravy every Christmas morning in his honor. Only, this year, it'll be in his memory. That will be tough, but it'll be a nice way to remember the man who loved us so well.
Missy
www.missytippens.com
What a beautiful tribute to your dad! And love how the church provided a meal for after the memorial service. As you said, a great opportunity for you to share memories with your family and friends without fussing over the food aspect. Such a blessing! I'm so sorry for your loss but grateful for all the sweet memories you have to cherish.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kav. Yes, I'm so grateful for the memories.
DeleteMissy, I've always thought that churches providing meals after funerals/memorial services is such a great idea. It takes a burden off of the family and, as you said, allows them to remember the one they lost and share those beautiful memories.
ReplyDeleteI love your reflections on your dad. Especially that he always brought you your food. Definitely a servant's heart.
Yes, Mindy. It was amazing how hard he always worked. Never would sit down when he was younger.
DeleteI am so sorry for your lost. Both of my parents are gone and I still have great moments of sadness, even after 12 years for my dad and 1year for my mom. I also have memories that feel me with gratitude and joy for the life that they gave me. Our church has been providing bereavement dinners for many, many years and it is when you are on the receiving end that you truly understand thid loving gesture.
ReplyDeletePrayers for your healing!
Should be "loss" and "fill". Auto correct isn't always an advantage! 😋
DeleteConnie, you're so right. This is the first time I've been on the receiving end, and it made a huge impact on me. I've also been blessed by the sympathy cards I've received.
DeleteI'm sorry to hear about your relatively recent loss of your mother. I'll pray for your continued healing and that many good memories to comfort you.
A special man. A special daughter. Thanks for sharing your memories, Missy.
ReplyDeleteMy mom made sausage gravy and biscuits. The biscuits came from a tube. She could never match my grandmother’s homemade biscuits. Might’ve helped if my dad’s mom had used recipes!
Janet, my dad always used canned biscuits. He called them "whomp-em" biscuits because he whomped the tube on the counter to pop it open. :)
DeletePersonally, I like frozen Mary B's tea biscuits. They're so good!
So sorry, Missy. A beautiful tribute. 😢 I think of my dad and his famous pancakes. His were so light and fluffy and mine are like bricks.
ReplyDeleteJess, isn't it odd when we can't make things as well? My mom was the pancake maker in our house. And my dad would make waffles. I guess we all have our own specialties. :)
DeleteMy husband's grandmother tried multiple times to teach me to make homemade biscuits (with lard!). But they never turned out as good as hers. Mine were like hockey pucks. I finally gave up.
Oh, this made me get teary-eyed... Missy, what a beautiful tribute to Dad and to family. And a lovely meal on top of it. God bless you... I know that Dad is safe now, in the arms of Jesus and the company of saints, but how lovely the memories of him, strong and able... and how beautiful your service when that was no longer the case. You inspire me so much.
ReplyDeleteRuthy, it's been wonderful to think of all the good memories. And so funny to realize how much food plays into that. We made sure that the biscuits and gravy were mentioned in the memorial service. :)
DeleteI'm sorry for your loss. My dad was my biggest champion about my writing. Though he never saw my first novel in print, I dedicated it to him 23 years after his death. The memories never go away. They always float warmly on the wind, and we carry them with us wherever we go. I pray you will find peace and comfort in the memories.
ReplyDeleteDonna, that's wonderful to have had your dad's support. So sweet that you dedicated the book to him.
DeleteMy dad was my biggest fan as well. At my first book signing, he bought something like 20 books, had me sign them, and gave them away to his friends. :) I was touched that he was proud.
Missy, your tribute to your dad, a true servant to our Lord, is beautiful. My sincerest condolences to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteSharing food does hold such special memories. Your thoughts brought memories of my dad preparing his famous fondue recipe for guests....tears and smiles. With blessings always!
Sherida, I love that you have special food memories as well. :)
DeleteMissy, I'm so sorry for your loss. Your post is a wonderful insight into your love for your dad. I'm thankful you had the support of the church.
ReplyDeleteMy sister and her friend co-chair bereavement dinners at our church. I think that is such an important ministry.
Terri, that's great that they head up the committee. It's a big job.
DeleteI know the memories are sweet, but the grief is bitter. So sorry for your loss, Missy.
ReplyDeleteI'm also glad that your church family was able and ready to come alongside you at this time. That always makes a hard day easier.
Thank you, Jan.
DeleteSorry for your loss, Missy! Will be praying for you in the days ahead.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate that, Jackie.
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