Now, I saw this recipe in a cookbook at the library and jotted it down. (Those last three words are important. I have notoriously bad handwriting. And am lazy. And take lots of shortcuts telling myself I'll remember what language I was writing in later, "for sure"!)
It was for a green grasshopper cake. Not the bug, the flavor. It looks sort of like this.
But with chocolate inside, so maybe sort of like this. But also a bit like this...
(pictures removed so we don't get sued for copyright!)
You get the gist. I had some ingredients and some VAGUE idea of the order and an even vaguer idea of what it was going to look like, except that is was going to be stunning. And everyone would ooh over it and think I should take up professional cake decorating. All my friends would want one for their birthdays, I just knew it!
The recipe called for heavy cream. That should have been my first hint of impending disaster. Heavy cream and lemon juice mixed together in a bowl?? Probably wrote something down wrong but I told myself it would be FINE.
(Side note: the worst thing my husband has ever called me is 'stubborn woman'. Not too bad, eh? But in his conservative culture, being a stubborn woman ranks right down there with psychopathic axe murderer. Now, I've been raised to embrace that stubborn streak. It's got me where I am today! Which is... making this cake.)
Now, I added and mixed and melted chocolate and turned around three times with my arms in the air. It came out of the oven looking like this. SUCCESS!! Of course I celebrated because I KNEW this would be beautiful.
And my first clue was this sad little layer. But hey, it's on the bottom. No one will notice.
Um, you know, a little of that pretty green frosting with peppprmint extract and we still have a chance. I KNOW IT WILL BE AMAZING! So, I mix the frosting with (I think it said this, pretty sure... sort of) more heavy cream, cup of real butter, powdered sugar.
Um. Um, um, um. I'm sweating now. Where is the pretty cake?? Don't panic. THINK. Kids are in the next room, excited to see the work of art. Husband is... I think he gave up and went outside somwhere around the time I couldn't read the instructions, about an hour and a half ago.So, I have these leftover pieces of the cake when it fell apart. Maybe this? Maybe not. Looks like a gangrenous zombie bear gone bad.
Okay, zombies, scary... Hey, it's close to Hallowe'en! We usually straddle the line somewhere between All Saint's Day (dress as your favorite martyr, the bloodier the better) and avoid those crazy costumes that scare small children. We always have candy for the trick or treaters, carve pumpkins, celebrate the fun holiday, and go to church the next day. So, hey, I'm all over a Hallowe'en cake... in September.
Um, after some hair and eyes and blue pimples...
He needed a mouth! A scary red mouth...
Now, this is why everyone should be surrounded by young children at least once a day. Because whatever you do is AWESOME. He thinks this is wayyyyy better than that other green one with the chocolate shavings. This one has a MOUTH.Don't know what I'll do when they're teenagers and can't be distracted by candy eyeballs.
My oldest daughter looked at it and said, "Hey this reminds me of that poem with the mouse. You know, the one who loses his nest?"
Ohhhhh, right. Here's the famous part that Steinbeck made more famous.
"But little Mouse, you are not alone,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes of mice and men
Go often awry,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!"
If he were here, I'd offer Mr. Burns a bit of this cake. I think he might appreciate the tragedy of it all. He could have a slice with some hair AND some eyeballs. Because we disappointed types have to stick together.
So, go ahead and vote for the one you'd want to see on your table. (Sorry, Mindy, I already know what they're going to say. Who'd want to see that sky-high tower of chocolatey goodness when they could have a cake with HAIR??)
Oh Virginia! I love this! I'm still laughing!
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, my family would have voted for the green monster cake every time...
Now, I'm not sure they'd even notice what's on the outside :)
I wish I'd taken a picture of my husband's face. He wasn't even surprised. Just knew that it was going to look NOTHING like what I was trying to make.
DeleteOH, SIGH, for Mindy's chocolate cake!!!
I wish I'd stopped at picture #2. I think I'm no longer craving chocolate :-( I knew there was a reason why I'm scared to bake anything from scratch! I'd have a big mess and no kid to tell me it's awesome!
ReplyDeleteSusanna
Susanna, then you just have to your own kid and pat yourself on the back!
DeleteI just tell myself... I'm so unique. Nobody can do it like I can. Not even myself the second time!
you should've added some of those jelly worms - someone posted them on facebook - gross :-( they looked like real worms.
DeleteSusanna
I saw those. WAY too real!!
DeleteMy 24 yo daughter got those on her ice cream sundae last week. You never outgrow gummy worms.
DeleteClearly you made lemonade from lemons....
ReplyDeleteLemon extract in whipping cream....
Green zombie frosting. And where's that nice swirly-swirl effect within, because I was kinda all excited about that. Now, the kid.... I LOVE HIM because he truly appreciates the wonder that is his mother. He sees a GREAT CAKE because it truly is a work of Neanderthalic Art and boys are cavemen in the making.
As for Berto???? Better he hide. Smart man.
Oh my stars, this is a hoot and a half. If it's a cake-off and there is voting involved, Virginia will win hands-down if young voters are allowed.... but I'm guaranteeing the female vote to Mindy!!!
Yeah. I hope I get to vote because I'm voting for Mindy's chocolate tower of YUM.
DeleteAnd I really laughed at the part when she said the frosting was grainy. *le sigh* If only I could have a problem with frosting and not the ENTIRE CAKE.
Remember I told you I was knee deep in Roald Dahl books because we're doing an author study? Don't you think that would be a PERFECT Roald Dahl cake???? (And it has nothing to do with Revolting Rhymes, no it doesn't.)
ReplyDeleteSeptember 13th is his birthday and I was going to let the kids decorate their own cupcakes in his honor but now you've got me wondering if I should attempt your cake instead!
Oh, what a great idea, Mary!!!!
DeleteThis is a Roald Dahl-esque cake, for sure!
DeleteI love his books - but I've never really thought children were his first audience :)
Oh Mary -- love your idea but I don't think you could duplicate Virginia's...um...masterpiece! It's truly one of a kind, you know what I mean? And how do you get away with cupcakes in school???? I used to make thundercake every year and read to the kids and do other food related storytimes every so often but now with allergies and our Ministry's new healthy schools policy if it's not raw and coated in dirt we shouldn't give it to the kids. :-)
DeleteYes, it was a very, very complictaed recipe. I can send it to you, Mary. The first part goes like this: Mix 1 pnt heavy cream with 2 tbs lemon juice, and mix until arm is broken, put in two cups of sugar and one cup of flour and 16 twirls over your wand over the bowl...
DeleteHonestly, I think this is an AWESEOME Dahl cake. He's all about the weird and scary.
Hey, as far as my one and only 11 year old is concerned, Virginia you have won! He was very impressed and I am not artistic (my cake would come somewhere in between the two--tall and slumped with lots of frosting to fix any low places). The expression on your look-a-like's face was adorable as well. However, Mindy's cake was beautiful too. I am not a chocolate fan by any means, but that cake made me want some, and I was very impressed with the fix of the grainy frosting! Do we have to vote? Does there need to be a competition? Both of you ladies are clear winners!
ReplyDeletePiper
Piper, mine would be in between, too. Because I would never think to add the fun Halloween stuff! Mine would just be sad and droopy. :)
DeleteCOWARD!!!!! Yes, you must vote so one of us can huff away with our feelings hurt. :D
DeleteSeriously, I was just teasing you peeps about the cake-off ebcause there's no comparison. NONE. Mindy's is super delicious looking. Mine just might be poisonous.
You sell yourself short, young grasshopper. Clearly there is an audience for both.
DeleteThe only difference is, yours are behind bars.
HAHAHA! Death row cakes! My new business!
DeleteAbsolutely hysterical!! And so brave of you to share. I'm impressed! LOL
ReplyDeleteI love it. And I love that photo of your cute-as-pie (or should I say cute-as-green-cake) son!
Aw, what's a little bravery on the internet? When this post first came up, my husband saw that first picture and thought I'd faked the whole thing and posted a picture of someone else's cake. HE was scandalized.
DeleteI'm nothing if not honest about all my failures. :D
BTW, Virginia...how did it taste??
ReplyDeleteDo you think I ate any???
Delete:)
Kids said it was great. Somethign wrong with the frosting, but that's nothing new in my house. We just cracked that dude open and ate his chocolate brains.
ROFLOL! Virginia, like Ruthy said, you made lemonade out of lemons. Sometimes you just gotta work with what you have. You did great! And that little guy of yours is SO adorable.
ReplyDeleteOf course, you know we're both gonna lose to Ruthy's forthcoming peach pie. Which reminds me, I'd better make sure we have some ice cream, because I like mine ala mode.
Mindy, I'm a very sore loser unless I get the biggest slice of pie.
DeleteAnd I'm super excited about that pie because I have a freezer full of peaches!!
But how did it taste??? Like zombie brains or chocolate cake?
ReplyDeleteChocolate zombie brains!!
DeleteYou know, it didn't start off too hot, but by the end . . . wowzer! Quite a good looking, scary cake. And how did it taste?
ReplyDeleteAgain... tasted not too bad. If you closed your eyes. And brushed your teeth right after. :)
DeleteI love chocolate zombie brains. They're my fave...
ReplyDeleteI think it's a perfect cake. Yes you took a cake from where it was to a wonderful looking zombie green thing that would tastes great and look bad. More cake for the ones who brave the wild side of cake decorating. Two or should I say three thumbs up
ReplyDeleteHeehee! I know who you are! And thanks for peeking, Patty. And thanks for the pumpkins! See you Tuesday!
Delete