Saturday, June 29, 2013

How to survive Zombie, aka Hospital, Food



Zombies are in the news this week.  World War Z with Brad Pitt is in theatres.  Let’s take a moment to reflect on Brad Pitt…or not. Your choice. Look away if you want.
I had my own experience with zombies this week.  I was acting like one. I ended up in the hospital with some scary symptoms and was frightened some more by….dah, dah, DAH, zombie food.  You know zombie food, right?


No, it’s not brains. Zombie food looks like real food, sort of, but is overcooked, dried out, blah. The life is sucked out of it.  That was my experience this week.


To be fair to my local hospital, I have a bunch of allergies so I can only eat fresh food with no additives. You know it's bad when the night nurse says to the day nurse, “She’s allergic to everything.”  Even jello, the hospital staple. Hospitals must work within their budget.  Bland meals are often a necessary evil.  But hospital food has a reputation.  Never mind people are mostly sick when they come to the hospital or scared or confused or must be fed restricted diets for good reason. Those factors can't help their opinion of whatever comes in on their tray. "More hospitality. Less hospital." according to Aladdin Co. who makes designer hospital trays. But it is still a tray in a hospital room.


I asked friends to tell me their best and worst experiences with hospital food. I wanted to be fair and my brain needed some lively support!  Here is what I learned from their contributions:

Anything tastes good to a woman who has just endured hours and hours of labor, even bad sandwiches, apparently hospitals’ “throw something at that starving mother” weapon of choice! Make sure a friend or loved one is on call, no matter the hour, to bring you whatever you crave. It's the last time you are allowed to indulge in pregnancy induced cravings! But that's not only advice for pregnant women. Ask for help with your hunger pangs if you are stuck in the medical center for all sorts of reasons. However, there are also good reasons for not eating something from home. Mind your restrictions.

When in doubt, go with the chocolate pudding, ice cream, BACON (I discovered that was true), or cake. They are hard to mess up. Unless you have allergies to corn or wheat like me. Even when alerted, I still received a majority of items that were on my do-no-eat list because they saw corn the vegetable but didn't restrict corn-based ingredients. Oh well, I lost two pounds in two days.

Most bad hospital food experiences involve what we treasure as comfort or special occasion meals: scrambled eggs (the closest thing to brains for zombies), pizza, steak (there is a reason hospitals don’t give new parents steak dinners anymore). If asked what you want to eat, don’t set yourself up for a failed experience. Do NOT have expectations and you may be pleasantly surprised by a meal. Except for the scrambled eggs. Again, order bacon. Toast is apparently iffy.

Fish often is served at inappropriate times. I can't give the details. Just too nauseating.

For me, it was the collards that put me over the edge.  Yes, I am Southern. Yes, I live in the South. But collards don’t strike me as hospital food for the masses. They are an acquired taste and not for everyone. When  you leave off the ham hocks and vinegar, hospital requirements, well, those collards are doomed to remain on the plate. I didn’t ask for them but they were what I got and they weren't good for the gitten. Sigh. Brains gone bad.

My collards were not this pretty. Think slime. Find a healthy collard recipe here at Allrecipes.com


Now that I am home and the zombie symptoms are receding, I realize the best nourishment I had in the hospital wasn't the food. The prayers and good thoughts of others AND a Kindle kept me going. I'm thankful for those things and thankful for my friends whose contributions made this post so easy to write. 

PS. To be fair, I also found great things hospitals are doing to give their patients a better food experience.  You can read about them here and here and here . And one of our Yankee-Belle contributors is connected to the hospital food service by marriage. I am hoping Jan Drexler will chime in!

So what are your experiences with hospital food, good or bad, or, for that matter, with zombies?







46 comments:

  1. " I didn’t ask for them but they were what I got and they weren't good for the gitten."

    I laughed until I cried! That line is genius!

    *wipes tears* Ok, hospital food. I've had some really excellent hospital food meals. I had salmon on wild rice once. No kidding! I've also had the world's saltiest soup and the universe's worst salad.

    I had to look up collard greens when you mentioned it on facebook. Now I'm thinking I have to put that in a book title. Northanger Abbey, Catherine and a Plate of Collard Greens.

    Or maybe not.

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    1. Northanger Abbey, Catherine and Collard Greens fits your titles better. :)

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    2. I agree with Melissa. Collards are one of those Southern foods folks recognize as Southern...or not.

      I had a spinach salad the size of a small custard cup. One spinach leaf, one piece of onion and something else green. Probably a collard.

      I have heard the phrase "not good for the gitten" before. I don't know if it is a standard saying or not!

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    3. Collards would make a great title addition, Virginia!

      I've heard "good for the gittin'." (short for "getting"). Or maybe I heard it "ain't good for the gitten'." Anyway, I have heard it but can't remember exactly how it was used. :)

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    4. Missy glad you have heard it too. I know I didn't make it up!

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    5. Nope, you didn't make it up. Even this northerner has heard it. :)

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  2. I had a lovely lemon lime glucose drink at the hospital today. Lovely.

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    1. Ugh, Melissa, they say the lemon lime is the best to choose. Whoever says they taste like Sprite or cola or whatever is wrong, wrong, wrong. Orange is the worst.

      Hope the test went okay.

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    2. I actually prefer the orange, I hate lemon flavors. But I actually think that might be why I'm failing the 1 hour test? When I asked for orange again, she said they don't work for the 3 hour test unless I drank two--and well, I don't prefer them that much! So wondering if I ever get to do this again, maybe I should down the lemon-lime during the one hour to avoid the 3!

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    3. Oh, and I don't know how the test went, probably won't find out until the next regular business day!. :(

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    4. The inventor of cherry needs to be shot. Throwing up red is NOT fun.

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    5. I did the orange, too. Makes it hard to ever again drink Fanta Orange.

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    6. Missy, it ruined Orange Crush in the bottles for me.

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  3. I highly recommend you DON'T click the link in the above comment!

    As for hospital food, I've found it's the same as in some restaurants -- i.e., breakfast is your best bet. At least, compared to dinner. The lukewarm coffee may be hard to take, but I can handle it better than lukewarm tea. I'd have to pass on the collard greens.

    I hope whatever put you into the hospital is a thing of the past and you're feeling good again.

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    1. I don't want to even imagine the comment.

      My coffee tasted like burnt water. Yes, there must be such a thing.

      I am getting there on recovery. Thanks!

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  4. I see you discovered the spam and removed it. So now everyone can ignore my bold warning. :)

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  5. I've had both extremes in the hospital. I recall as a young mother (as noted above)... after labor and delivery ... I swear one of my best meals was in the hospital. Or was it just the fact I didn't have to cook it?

    I'm pretty sure I'm skipping Zombie movies and Brad Pitt (though I did like him in one movie... A River runs through it? No, wait. I loved THE HOUSE in that movie. I liked him in Meet Joe Black.

    Wow, that Brownie in a Mug I had at 10pm IS NOT MY FRIEND. I was sleeping for two hours and then woke up WIDE AWAKE. Hmmm. Odd.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Chocolate and sugar is the zombie antidote for sure!

      It is funny. All my friends are saying they love WWZ but none are saying they love Brad Pitt.

      Hope you a) get somethings done while you are awake 2) can get back to sleep!

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    2. Chocolate keeps my daughter awake like nothing else.

      WWZ is one of my son's favorite books. He said the movie was different but very good.

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    3. The author said if you want to dislike something, dislike the book, that the movie is different but fantastic. Good PR guy.

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  6. Oh, this is funny! Do you guys remember Nabisco's Chocolate marshmallow Pinwheel cookies?

    I packed one in each of my little overnight bags for the hospital as all six children were being born...

    That was my reward for delivering a kid. A box of Pinwheels to get me through hospital food, LOL!

    And they try so hard now, at least up here, but it's tough to produce anything really wonderful... except calorie and carb laden chicken pot pie!!!.... for the masses.

    The allergies had to make it tough, Julie. Ouch!

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    1. Ruthy, I loved those pinwheels back in the day. Sniff.

      Six kids. I stand in awe of you and Virginia!

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    2. Ruthy, I'm proud of you! When I started to read your comment I thought you packed one cookie each time. So relieved to know you packed a box each time. :)

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  7. Not a true Brad Pitt fan, but he was a superhero in the movie. It really was a medical mystery he was trying to solve. And different from most zombies, they were not out to eat you but to infect you and spread the disorder. A different take on zombies. Also, zombies are destroyed when you destroy the brain, so zombies do not eat brains. They eat flesh. Eating the brains of a person would not pass on the infection. Not that this makes them any less creepy.

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    1. Ann, I knew you would have the scientific take on the zombies! And it being a medical mystery makes me want to see it for sure.

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  8. By the way, I have no active profile so I had to pick anonymous. A for your sister, Ann.

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  9. I love this post, Julie! You hit the causes for hating hospital food right on the head.

    There's one more I'll add: Often hospital patients are on new medications - and medications can play havoc with your taste buds and appetite. So things you liked yesterday taste terrible today. And, of course, you're on that med for 3-10 days, and at the end of the regimen, things taste normal again...just in time to be at home with mom's cooking again :)

    One of the big changes in hospitals is that more of them are hiring chefs. (Hubby just got approval to hire one...waiting on the money). There's so much difference when a trained chef is in control of a kitchen. Things are measured correctly, cooked correctly, stored correctly - and a chef knows which flavors work together and which don't.

    Another change is in equipment - but equipment is expensive (multiple tens of thousands for one oven, and a large hospital can need four of them!). But there are ovens - not microwaves - that can cook a meal - not just reheat it - in 70 seconds. Fresh food in just over a minute. Cool, huh?

    But there are problems that remain - I won't go into the internal politics that affect the food that ends up on your tray...

    Anyway, enjoy your hospital food while you're there! The people who prepared your food probably fixed 3000 other meals that day :)

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    1. A *chef*??? Someone should tell that to the hospitals in our area. At least two of them have patients' food cooked and frozen in one province and shipped to our province to be reheated in microwaves. I kid you not. And yes, they taste just as you would expect... like leftovers that have been reheated.

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  10. Jan, this is fabulous info. I hadn't even thought of medications because I was on shots and baby aspirin while I was there. But that is so true.

    What a challenge your hubby has! Patients only see one side of things, don't they?

    The links I posted focus on some of those chefs you mention.

    Thanks for chiming in. I really appreciate it!

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  11. What a clever post Julie! Even if it had Brad Pitt in it (I am not a fan.)

    I never realized how regional collards are, but Virginia saying she had to look them up made me realize. I couldn't imagine my life without them. Now, 12 year old ds won't eat them (or anything green except green beans) so maybe long prep time, long cooking time has made them a special treat.

    Come to think of it, I wouldn't have known what collards were with my Pittsburgh upbringing if it hadn't been for my paternal grandmother. She came north in the Great Migration and worked in hospital kitchens as a pastry decorator. (And yes, it is stunning that hospitals have pastry people). She put my father through a private college working that job. How did she manage? Amazing.

    I'm not saying anything about the brain sandwich.

    Piper

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    1. I think folks the majority of folks are in agreement about Brad.

      I am a HUGE turnip green fan. I am not sure what the difference is. But in my research there are some wonderful recipes for collards that are barely cooked. I wonder what our grandmothers would say about that.

      That is so cool about your grandmother. Who knew? What a woman.

      Apparently brain sandwiches are best with a lot of mustard.

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  12. I am avoiding the brain sandwich like I avoid head cheese...

    And blood sausage.

    There are limits to how much of an animal I will eat!!!

    Piper, I love that your grandma had a job like that! Who knew they'd have pastry decorators in a hospital kitchen???? I could have done that as a young mother but I never would have thought such a thing existed!

    That's a great story...

    Ann, I'm so glad we have a technical expert on Zombi-ism.

    :)

    This is a rare and wonderful resource! I'm totally psyched to write an Amish Zombie Apocalypse book!!!!

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    1. There IS a Amish Zombie book out there. I think Virginia found it. Maybe a trend you definitely need to latch on to!

      For Man O, scrapple is something he just looks at and shakes his head!

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    2. Some how the Amish lifestyle seems like it would help them survive zombies.

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  13. Are you guys ready for a story? (speaking of brains, head cheese, etc.)

    When my husband was working in Kansas City, years ago, some of the doctors were involved in research. There was an indigent patient who was dying and was being treated for free with this new pain regimen a doctor was developing (it was working, BTW).

    Anyway, the doctor had left orders that this man could have anything, ANYTHING, he wanted to eat. So the man ordered snoot.

    None of the food service managers had any idea what snoot was, but one of the ladies in the kitchen did. There was a place where they could buy it, down near the river on the other side of the tracks (literally). They went (in their whites - um, kitchen uniforms) to this place. It was an old frame house with the porch missing. You walked up to the barred window, handed over your dollar, and they gave you the snoot.

    And yes, there were stares, and comments like "what in the ---- are you doing here?"

    But they got the snoot.

    It was a sandwich, like a burger, but the meat was sliced and fried pig snout. Ethnic food to the max.

    The patient was so thrilled - he hadn't been able to get snoot for so long because of his illness. They made that trip for him a few more times before he finally passed away.

    And once the owner of the snoot place found out what they were doing, there was no charge. Everyone helps a dying man, you know?

    There are hospitals that deserve the reputation for hospital food, but there are more that will go out of their way to serve their patients :)

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    1. Oh, I laughed at this one. Bless them and him.

      I found articles about a lot of cancer centers that do their best to get the food their patients crave. Healing is a holistic business for sure.

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  14. "Amish Zombie Apocalypse book"... Sorry, Ruthy, IF you write that one and IF you get it published ("Wait, RUTH LOGAN HERNE wrote this book? We HAVE to publish it then!"), then I will end up not owning all of your books because *shudder* I cannot imagine such a thing. Don't like zombies and don't like thinking about the apocalypse (really have to think when I type that word). Love reading Amish fiction though! ;-)

    Julie, so glad you survived the hospital food. However, not a good way to lose a couple pounds. Has it been determined yet what happened to you? Maybe all the yard work and concrete statue shopping got to you...

    I haven't been in the hospital since our son was born 27 years ago this October, so I have no idea how hospital food is. As I recall, it wasn't bad back then. And DH and I did get steak dinners the night before leaving after both of our kids were born. Come to think of it, should have asked daughter-in-law since she just gave birth less than a month ago...

    So so glad you're doing much better! Was muchly concerned about you and had prayer requests out like crazy. No more scaring us--and your family!--okay? :)

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    1. Doing my best, Melanie. Thanks so much for the prayers. They are the best spiritual sustenance for sure.

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  15. All of this made perfect sense except the toast part. How do you ruin toast, except by burning it?

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    1. LOL, Nikki. That's what I thought, too! But maybe it's just that they serve dry toast without butter or anything?? :)

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    2. Think about it. Everyone has different preferences about toast how dark, light, whatever. But my poor DIL had to go to coconut oil on her toast instead of butter. It has to be about the butter.

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    3. Actually, the problem with toast is that it just can't be fresh.

      Just think about it - you're on the 4th floor and the kitchen is in the basement. The tray line crew is busy filling up the trays, covering them, sticking them on a rack until the rack is full. Then the hostess (or whatever they call the delivery person) has to wheel that cart out of the food service kitchen to the elevator, ride the elevator to the 4th floor, and start passing out trays. Even if you're the first person on your floor to get your tray, your toast won't be fresh. Ever.

      So pass on the toast. Unless you sneak in your own toaster :)

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  16. Julie, I hope you're totally back to normal asap!

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    1. Y'all comments are making me laugh so hard. Good medicine.

      Another two days of doc visits this coming week should help things along as well.

      Thanks for the well wishes.

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  17. My only real memory of hospital food is after the birth of my first daughter. I was totally surprised to find they had a special "date night" type dinner for the new parents. I think it was steak. I only remember the dessert was this cake we LOVED! I later found out it was Entenmann's Louisiana Crunch cake. I still smile when I see that in the store. Now I can have it without having to go through childbirth. :)

    Glad you're on the mend, Julie.

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